Fucking Covid fucked up my traveling and life plans.
Even though I am an introvert, yes really, being forced to stay at home is not something I like as I don’t like to follow orders. Its weighting heavily on my psyche and on my brain to stay locked down at my place without having any social interaction. To be honest, I had a plan to manage all this available time: Learn a language, update the blog design, write articles, read my books, learn a new skill… I didnt do shit. Yeah I underestimated the power of a worldwide menace and world hysteria. I even thought that everything will stop, including my therapy as I couldn’t go to my therapist’s office.
First days I tried to find alternative solutions on the internet, like apps or websites like reddit or twitter where you can anonymously vent your feelings and have support from strangers. I refused to talk to my friends about any of it, as I feel like its not their responsibility nor is it fair to them to share personal stuff in the name of friendship. We ought to respect boundaries and be emotionally intelligent about the situation.
Thank god my therapist contacted me and informed me that she is still consulting via Whatsapp. I wont lie, at first, i flat out refused as I work in IT security and I know all about unprotected conversations via various apps. She didn’t push but asked me to think about it as I am stuck alone in another country in a pandemic and may need to talk about it at one point.
She was right of course, I called her 2 weeks later asking to try the virtual therapy. The first time it felt weird as I am used to video chatting family and friends, it felt very unprofessional and like a regular conversation with a friend. Second time around, I used a headset, muted all the apps and all notifications and chose a calm spot in my house to talk. It did the job as I was able to connect with my therapist, talk more freely and feel this bubble of safety that comes with talking with a person not judging or having any opinion about your life/decisions. I kept my therapy going for the time being and with time, didn’t even notice that it was a Whatsapp call or that i was not in an office. It felt like I was just talking freely and working on my issues or randomly venting my feelings about various life situations, it can be as random as the asshole in the street who almost hit me as he was standing too close to me and was panicking about social distancing.
Did it help me during the lockdown? Fuck yes. I was able to talk about the fear, anxiety and stress that comes with this type of situation. Especially when you are physically away from your family and in a country where a lot of people were starting to lose their job, and lose their shit due to the Corona fear.
Many friends asked me to provide them with my therapist contact as they noticed that the lockdown impacted them and its always good to talk to a person about inner fears and inner questions. Some of them became very stressed, some anxious, some lost sleep and some even lost their jobs. Its a very weird situation and we do not all react the same in the face of danger or in awkward situations. Each one of us has their own defense mechanism, but we ought to reach out for help when shit gets too much to handle.